Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
