he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
