If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
