the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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