i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
