DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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