you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
