The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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