he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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