No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
