sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize