The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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