Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
