Its about making memories worth repressing
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
