dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can I color on your dick again?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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