That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
