Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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