Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
