You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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