If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
