So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
