She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
