Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
