So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So vagazzling was a success
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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