I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
