I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
