she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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