my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize