Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
