tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
