I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
