Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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