he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
