I cannot find my penis.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
