My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
