I want you more than these girls want KFC
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
