It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
