North Korea, Best Korea!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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