Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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