You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
