the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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