when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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