I puked a lego.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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