Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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