there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
