oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
