How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize