Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He? As in you personified your dick?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
