I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
