The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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