Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
