Duck Duck Cougar?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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