I'm passing your future prison.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
