My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
