I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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