It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
