He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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