I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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