I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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