Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
