I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
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i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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