I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
