Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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