He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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