Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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