oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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