if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
