My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
