Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
