just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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