is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
